a heavy heart

A heavy heart is a huge burden to carry. It truly feels like a ton of bricks on your shoulders. Weighing all your thoughts down. Why don't you just drop that load off on the cross? Why don't you just let others stand in the gap and carry that load for you? Good questions. Really good questions. Why isnt it easier to to give our Father what He wants from us? He doesnt want us to carry anxiety, stress, heartache or sadness. Not one bit. He does not want that for his children. Why do we insist on keeping it all to ourselves when there is a great awesome man who WANTS it. He WANTS to carry it. Take it away. Wash it clean. And refresh us and fill us up with something better. Why is it so easy to take on others burdens or to worry when we said we won't? Worry about nothing and pray about everything. Except as we pray we worry. Why is it so darn hard?

The answer...

I.DON'T.KNOW.

Insightful right?

NOT.

A choice is made each morning to wake up and praise our father that we are awake. That we have one more day here to spread His good word and to love our loved ones. But there is a spiritual battle going on. Everyday. Everywhere.

It is hard to accept sometimes what a broken world we live in. It hurts. It's heavy.

Yucky dark post right?! Where is all that sunshine I usually spout out?? It is hidden behind a dumb dark cloud right now. One that will be lifted as soon as I get out of the way and let Jesus fill me up. Like He wants to.

I have really stepped back in some areas recently and it has allowed the Lord to really work in me. He has more ways to use me. I am not just a sick person's wife. I am His daughter. I am part of His beautiful plan. I have work to do while I am here. Justin has work to do while he is here. I pray that we are able to show our children how great it is to rely on the Lord. I hope they see us fall...and then get back up. I pray that they will see our hearts and challenge us. I pray that they will not put God in a box and just visit Him on Sundays. I pray that they will cherish the hard times and take full advantage of the opportunity to grab those moments by the horns and praise Him and press deeper into the word.

I pray that my boys will let their ears and hearts be opened for when the Lord has something to say. Because people...He is talking. We just are not very good listeners. How can we hear Him if we NEVER shut up. (Obviously I talk a lot...this is an issue for me...I am working on it OK)

Dark cloud...Please go away. I have no time for you. Worry and stress and anxiety...you should get a life. Seriously.

No major updates in medical town. Nothing is better. Some things are worse. The lack of communication between Justin's 13 doctors is taking a toll. There is a beautiful rainbow on the other side of this. A sparkly one. With glitter.

thanks for keeping up

xoxo