Today is a very special day. Today is the day that the woman who watched me grow would be turning 63. This is the woman who showed me the true meaning of a birthday celebration. This is the woman who taught me how to swaddle a baby. This is the woman who taught me how to wear eyeliner without looking like a street walker. This is the woman who knew the latest gossip before it even happened. This is the woman that lived for fun in the sun. This woman is my beautiful mother.
Celebrating this day without her is such a shame. My heart will never mend from the hurt of raising children without her by my side. They are all missing out on something so wonderful.
It is an inconvenient truth to deal with the fact that she hurt so badly here on earth and wasn't healed. It is just a big fat bummer. It is a precious gift how the healing came in a different form. Jesus healed my heart from her loss. He unhardened me from the pain of her loss and the relationship that we had together. He opened my eyes to where I was holding back. There was a healing...it just didn't take place in her body. The perfectly crafted memories that I have of her fade daily. Sometimes I can smell her and even hear her voice and other days I struggle to remember exactly what the creases in her face looked like when she laughed and smiled. Death is inconvenient. Mourning is inconvenient. Loss and pain are inconvenient. But we are blessed with an eternal perspective that heals our soul from the inside out. If we let Him light our fire then we radiate His love. Somedays that is easier said than done.
