Well it looks like we have this whole "sickness" thing under control. I never forget to refill one of the 27 prescriptions. I follow up with his 15 doctors EVERY.DAY. I keep a binder that systematically organizes all his diagnosis, prescriptions, appointments, doctors and upcoming procedures. I have all of his files and results cross referenced and there are color coordinated tabs. There is even a table of contents page. I have decorated the cover and its just adorable. I know exactly what to do each night when he wakes up with pain. I know just what food will cause less ailments for him. I ALWAYS know what to say when he is feeling blue. The kids gather around our bed each night and we take turns praying over him. Each boy patiently waits his turn. When people ask me how Justin is doing I always have a very positive and eloquent answer. I absolutely never cry in public places and I have laminated prayer cards in my purse to hand to caring friends. We love going to chemo. It is so fun at the oncologist. I mean we just really have all this figured out ya'll.
YEAH.FREAKIN.RIGHT.
Every day is a new day. Every day brings a new challenge. Every day is so different than the one before it. I do not have any of the things I listed above mastered. Not even close. As soon as I wrap my brain around one thing then everything changes. I often feel like a big fat epic failure. But then I remember that I was very carefully selected for this particular job that I have. I really have to remind myself that like OUT LOUD when I am having a "feel sorry for myself" moment. I am honored to glorify Him through this struggle. Really really honored. I was sharing our story with a friend recently and in talking to her and pouring my heart out to her I realized that I actually wouldnt trade this life for anything. There has been some tricky stuff and things pretty much get worse each day...but I wouldnt trade it for a different life. Would.Not.Do.It.
I thought about what it would be like to have a life where everything is whole. But with NO JESUS. And it made me sad. I would rather have this life where i KNOW THAT I KNOW we will all be whole...someday. I cannot imagine where my life would be if Jesus had not pursued my heart so vigorously 11 years ago. I am grateful beyond measure.
I am so proud to be the wife of a man that will leave behind a legacy of ambition, passion and humor. I am going to keep him for a long time. I better get to work on that binder...
Here are a few pics of some fun things we have been up to:
