Lots and lots of blog posts have been floating around in my head the past few weeks. There have been lots of fun December days that need to be remembered and I imagine there will be a giant picture post coming very soon. Braxton turned three, we spent Christmas at the river house, we had school parties galore and so much more.
In the midst of so much local happiness there have been some sad things going on around us. The reality of the Connecticut shooting, the daunting news of what health insurance in 2013 will look like for us and the disappointing outlook for Russian orphans. No matter what blessing we wake up to, there is a looming let down lurking in a dark corner. So many wonderful things packaged inside sadness wrapped up with a beautiful bow on top.
I think I have had it wrong all along. This eager search for the perfect place between contentment and complacency may be more work than I have time for. The sincere desire to rid the expectations is exhausting. Sometimes the positive attitude is pretty exhausting too. It is exciting to live each day as it could be your last...never going to bed angry, being spontaneous, making new traditions and memories. But it simply is not a reality all of the time. We say we will hug our kids more tightly each morning before school after the Connecticut shooting, but when the newness of that memory wears off and our kids throw their breakfast on the floor or won't put their shoes on or forget their lunch in the car...we forget. We lose our patience because we are human and we lose that perspective because life happens. It is in our human nature to set out a plan for our lives. We give glory to God when it goes the right way, blame satan when it goes the wrong way, ask for discernment when it doesnt make sense, ask for perseverance when it takes too long and ask for God's perfect timing when we want it to hurry up. I have asked for prayer regarding doctors, medications, patience, timing, finances, healing, energy and countless other things. I have watched a community band together in prayer for my husband, for others health, for lives lost, adoptions, tests, children, pregnancies. I have seen many prayers answered and many prayers not. I have also watched the newness wear off of many things. The excitement dwindles away and something new comes along and we all band together for the next "big thing"...and we pray and petition and rally and rejoice and repeat. It truly is a beautiful thing, but it also is pretty sad. The parents who raised enough money to adopt, but just spent another Christmas without their child. The widows and widowers who have had their homes filled with friends and casseroles still have a giant spouse sized hole in their hearts. The man that got a job, but is still in so much debt he can still hardly provide for his family. These blessings that are wrapped in sadness with that big pretty bow on top. To the rest of the world the prayers are answered and it is on to the next. A place of contentment with whatever the situation is located...gratitude is expressed...normal is found...and life moves forward.
But what if life is just standing still? What if there are still no answers? No healing, no death, no loss, no gain. Is it a time to pray for perseverance? Patience? Protection? Timing?
I realized over the past few weeks that the spot between complacency and contentment MOVES. Yeah. Bummer for me. I thought I could just find it and then sit there and stay for all the rest of time. That perfect place where I can praise in my storm and feel normal and grateful and everyone knows my name ...is NOT always open for business. It is time to let some doors shut and bust through some windows ya'll. It is time to start 2013.