Wednesday, March 28, 2012


Is He sufficient? Does He fulfill my every need? Was shedding His blood upon the cross enough? Tough questions right? We should ask ourselves these EVERY day. No matter what we are walking through. Are we giving Him the credit He deserves?

The grace, love and hope provided by Him IS enough. Always.

His presence is undeniable.

Wouldn't you think that Justin would be angry and hateful right now? Dont you think he should be lying in bed with a pillow over his face? Don't you wonder why we haven't thrown our hands up and decided to sleep in on Sunday mornings?

We find rest in Him. Peace. Calmness. Restoration.

In fact Justin is quite the opposite of angry. He has found the silver lining. He is more transparent, yes. Honest and real, yes. But that's what makes him so adorable. You will never walk into the Mac Shack and wonder what the 5 of us are thinking. We usually won't wait for you to ask either :) Some things are better left unsaid...but we just have a hard time with that. We get to live in this glass house right now. We have one chance to shout from the rooftops who our redeemer is. Just one life here on earth. The truth is the truth and that is that.

Justin's daily battles are something I will NEVER be able to fully understand. I really wish I could. My heart breaks each day when I watch his diseases progress with my eyes. If I can SEE it.. What does it FEEL like? Unfair is the understatement of the day. Justin is gracious with me and others for that matter. We are so ignorant to how he feels, and that doesn't bother him. sometimes I forget he is sick because he is so handsome. I think he really likes it when I do :) His identity is not sickness. He is a very hard worker, an amazing daddy, committed husband, super fun friend and devoted student. He doesn't just have to KNOW he is sick. He has to see it and feel and hear it day in and day out.

As each doctors appointment brings more and more heartache...we have to dig deeper into this faith. And as we dig deeper we find out that its not all about US. There are some who are suffering so much more. When we cry out for help we are shown deeper and harder trials, and we find a way to feel blessed. We look at our home and precious children and our friends and family and beds and dinner and jobs and we feel RICH. Rich with love from our king. We will not stop shouting from the rooftops.

You can't make us.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

right where we are supposed to be

The river house is our most favorite place in the whole wide universe. We are relaxed to the max here. There is no need for checking the time or setting an alarm clock. There is no need for anything other than sweat pants, tshirts and maybe a little camo.
We stay up late and sleep in late. We skip naps and then take extra naps the next day. We have two naked babies that love to skip around in the freezing cold river. We have a big boy that could ride on the ranger from sun up to sun down. We cook and laugh and admire the beautiful scenery that the Lord prepared. We feel blessed and privileged to be here every single second of each day. Although I did have to make a few phone calls to reschedule and schedule doctors appointments...we were able to spend most of this special vacation being "sick free" -
which is GOOD.
There is nowhere to be but where we are.
There are quite a few appointments coming up in the next few days. Several on Friday and liver biopsy results Monday. There has been quite a bit of swelling and pain, but Justin is a warrior and he complains so minimally. He is not going to miss an opportunity to do "man things" with the boys. There are times when I wish we could do more, I wish he tired less easily and that he could be pain free for even just 5 minutes. But then I remember...there is nowhere we are supposed to be but where we are. This is exactly where we are and no matter how tricky and frustrating it is...God has big big plans for us. Plans to prosper and NEVER to harm. How will He use Justin through this terrible situation? I see Him working already every day, but God has more in store. A whole bunch more. I pray that I can bring some of this state of mind home with me. I don't always know where my phone is when I am here. I don't have a schedule. We don't watch TV. I let the boys go outside after baths. We have picnics in the middle of the afternoon when it isnt really "meal" time. We dont talk about doctors appointments at dinner time. We eat all the leftovers. We dont spend any money. We do not forget to say grace.
I know all of these things are not a reality ALL of the time when we get home...but there is no reason we cannot try and implement some of these precious moments into our everyday lives.
Sometimes babies are just not tired for a nap at the river house. As you can see here, Braxton was NOT tired. He insisted on staying up to play and said " i no go night night." He was clearly wide awake and not one tiny bit tired.

Bryce gets some good quality daddy time in at the ranch.
Let's face it, big boys get to do the coolest stuff. That is just the deal.

It is always a treat when Pop Pop is around. He gains two little shadows the second he walks in.

We made lots of yummy food this week. Not all makers/paleo necessarily...but clean for sure. Bryce helped me make homemade donuts on Monday morning. They were pretty much amazing and Bryce thought I was a rockstar and there was no scary ingredients that we couldnt pronounce in them :)

My morning cup of coffee (also known as my morning pot of coffee) was best enjoyed with the view of the river.

Here is Justin and Mitch being SUPER tough guys. I mean these guys are in full on protection mode right now. Saving lives and taking names.
This sort of thing makes my dad and hubby like me more.

We are just right where we are supposed to be.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

one minute

I am not sure what you are doing tomorrow...but I would like to request 60 seconds of your time.

In one minute you can do some serious praying. A power prayer if you will. Between the hours of 7am and 10am Justin will be under anesthesia for a liver biopsy. He is pretty pass the salt about the whole deal and just feels like its just another day in the life of Justin.
So bottom line is pray.
Besides the obvious praying for the doctors wisdom and blah blah...I thought of a few other things that you could choose from.
1. Thank you Jesus for loving Justin. No matter what his health situation or his attitude about love him. Like a whole whole bunch. Not only do you know how many hairs are on the top of his head, but you know what is going on with each and every cell of his body. Thank you Jesus for loving those cells and loving them well.
2. Thank you Jesus for using Justin. You oh so clearly have some great plans for this amazing man. We have seen the fruit of that in many ways. But Jesus you have more in store and its good. We know Lord that you are in the business of healing and miracles, but you are also in the business of showing your mighty face through suffering. Thank you Jesus for using Justin and our family.
3. Jesus you have plans to prosper Justin and not to harm him. Whether you heal him here on this earth or bring him home to you...we know that your perfect will is in store for him. We beg and plead with you to heal him here so that he can give you the glory and be a husband, father and friend. Thank you for your perfect plan Jesus.
So those little prayers seem minute-ish.
I know many of you pray for Justin very often and for much longer than a minute. The Lord hears your cries ALL of the time. All day and all night. I am thankful and excited to know how many people will stop and lift him up without even being prompted.
I have learned a lot about prayer in the past year. I have learned to not just call up Jesus and give Him my wish list and hang up on his ear. I have learned to ask Him what He wants from me before I ask Him to help me with anything. I have a lot more to learn and a lot more to hear. I am ready...are you??