Thursday, July 26, 2012

the perfect life

Well it looks like we have this whole "sickness" thing under control. I never forget to refill one of the 27 prescriptions. I follow up with his 15 doctors EVERY.DAY. I keep a binder that systematically organizes all his diagnosis, prescriptions, appointments, doctors and upcoming procedures. I have all of his files and results cross referenced and there are color coordinated tabs. There is even a table of contents page. I have decorated the cover and its just adorable. I know exactly what to do each night when he wakes up with pain. I know just what food will cause less ailments for him. I ALWAYS know what to say when he is feeling blue. The kids gather around our bed each night and we take turns praying over him. Each boy patiently waits his turn. When people ask me how Justin is doing I always have a very positive and eloquent answer. I absolutely never cry in public places and I have laminated prayer cards in my purse to hand to caring friends. We love going to chemo. It is so fun at the oncologist.  I mean we just really have all this figured out ya'll.


Every day is a new day. Every day brings a new challenge. Every day is so different than the one before it. I do not have any of the things I listed above mastered. Not even close. As soon as I wrap my brain around one thing then everything changes. I often feel like a big fat epic failure. But then I remember that I was very carefully selected for this particular job that I have. I really have to remind myself that like OUT LOUD when I am having a "feel sorry for myself" moment. I am honored to glorify Him through this struggle. Really really honored. I was sharing our story with a friend recently and in talking to her and pouring my heart out to her I realized that I actually wouldnt trade this life for anything. There has been some tricky stuff and things pretty much get worse each day...but I wouldnt trade it for a different life. Would.Not.Do.It.
I thought about what it would be like to have a life where everything is whole. But with NO JESUS. And it made me sad. I would rather have this life where i KNOW THAT I KNOW we will all be whole...someday. I cannot imagine where my life would be if Jesus had not pursued my heart so vigorously 11 years ago. I am grateful beyond measure.

I am so proud to be the wife of a man that will leave behind a legacy of ambition, passion and humor. I am going to keep him for a long time. I better get to work on that binder...

Here are a few pics of some fun things we have been up to:

We got to visit the train museum in new braunfels to celebrate a friends birthday. Very fun day!

My adorable family had a little celebration for Justin's graduation at the river house. I really wish this picture was better. My dad gave justin a gun (i do NOT understand boys) as a graduation present. This picture is my papa, my dad, my hubby and my baby boy all checking out this new toy. There are some precious peeps all right here in one spot.

swimming with friends is always a treat

i got to hang with this awesome chicken

and this isnt really fun...but this is what we did today.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

quick update - chemo time

Today is chemo day. Chemo day is stinky because we sit in a room full of old people (nothing against old people of course...old people are adorable...but they get to control the tv and they like the volume really loud) and they give J meds to make him sleep and lets just face it...anything related to chemo is just stinky. Justin has had a really yucky past few weeks, we are very prayerful that after the initial sickness the chemo will give his body a good jump start. We have had some pretty discouraging situations recently regarding his overall health so we are asking you to put you prayer pants back on!
He will have this infusion today and then again in 14 days. This usually wipes him out for a couple weeks so specifically pray for energy (maybe a little for me too) and limited side effects. Thanks folks. Justin and I have discussed recently how we get to share this suffering with Bryce. It hurts our hearts that a little 6 year old has to know that daddy is sick or at the dr all the time. But, we can redeem that. With our words and our attitudes and our daily dependence on God. We can make it scary for him or we can show him how gracious and merciful our holy Father is. We get to just live our regular lives and make this part of it just a sidenote. We will never let this illness define our family. We pray that Bryce will remember that NO MATTER the outcome. And hooray for cute little babies (whatever I know they are toddlers) that dont have a clue and think that its funny to punch justin in the port.

In other news...
We LOVE summer!!!! I never realized how delicious summer was when you have kids in elementary school. No schedule, no waking up early, no lunches to make every day, no rushing etc.
The highlights of our past few week include Bryce getting to go to Pine Cove base camp! Taking the babies to the new braunfels childrens museum with Courtney, celebrating the 4th of july with my dad and justin and the boys and the Srps at the river house (YAY!!) and lots of other playing with fun friends! A few pics...

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