Monday, July 29, 2013

a thing or two about July

Ok, blog break over. I have had lots of posts floating in my head over the past few weeks...but never enough time to sit and focus. We survived chemo and IVIG week. It took a crazy toll on Justin and I cannot say that he is really looking forward to the monthly IVIG, BUT it is the best thing for his immune it must be done. The right hip replacement will take place early Wednesday morning. He is really looking forward to it. That may sound a little silly since it is a big and painful surgery, but nothing can beat the pain of trying to deal with living life with a collapsed hip and cracked femur. It is daunting to look ahead to the recovery, but encouraging to know that some relief WILL be provided.

This has been a hard time for all of us. Hard for the boys to watch their dad spend most of the summer in bed. Hard for me to spend so much time without a partner. Hard for Justin to keep a positive attitude when he can only muster the energy to leave his bed and do something fun about once a week. It has been hard for each of us to figure out this season. In fact, we don't have it figured out and I don't think we will figure it out anytime soon. Per the norm...we don't know what is ahead. We can only take this one day at a time. 

Just about the time that I start to think I am going to throw my hands up, God throws a brick at my head and tells me to pull it together. This summer I have struggled with a dark cloud hanging over my head. It has made me feel a bit of a darkness I have not experienced before. More defeat than normal. More alone. More exhausted. I continue to carry the peace God gave me about this journey, but that peace has just been shadowed a bit with the cloud. I have withdrawn quite a bit from so much, and God honored my time that I gave to Him big time. The Lord did a work in me last week that has shoved that cloud aside. It isn't completely gone, but I know He will use that dark place to bring He has done time and time again. 
Last week I had the extreme privilege of being a part of Stillwater Sports Camp. When the boys and I arrived to camp, I felt very out of place. I didn't really know anyone, I felt intimidated about speaking to youth rather than my peers, I felt irritated that Justin couldn't be there with me, I felt unprepared. 
The first night was hard. Even just introducing myself, I felt like a stranger in my own skin. The next day Katie and her kids came to visit us, she let me whine and moan and talk it all out and it was apparently just what I needed. I realized I was worrying about the wrong things. I was worried about what I was going to say and how the girls were going to perceive me...rather than how God was going to work through me and how they would receive His word through me. I finally stopped fighting it and submitted. The words He gave me to share...taught me so much. He took everything I had prepared and threw it out the window, He had me buried deep in His word and brought very specific verses to camp out on. Speaking to youth brought me far far out of my comfort zone...which is where the really good stuff happens. The place where you need Him the most is the place He speaks most clearly. Right outside what feels easy is a whole bunch of really great things. 
God never ceases to amaze me. Amidst the dark cloud of health and future He showed me much more than I deserved to see. I would have been satisfied in just feeling His presence and knowing that He would sustain me through the coming weeks. But no, He asked me to dig deep and rise up...and that is where He showed me some really great things. 

And the week in pics!
I was blessed with several sweet visitors through the week...
Here is a pic of the party that came out Wednesday night!

I even roped this gal into jumping in for an incredible time of worship. 

 The boys had a BLAST! I mean who wouldnt have fun chasing a banana across camp?!

 I got a couple days with just this guy while super pop pop entertained the other two. 

The Golgotha run was such an inspiring time out at camp. 
Loving on the girls and praying over them when they finished was  a highlight of the week for sure. 

 Sunday Night intro

 Monday Night talk about His Creation + accountability 

Tuesday Night talk about Matthew 11:28

Wednesday Night talk on the Resurrection and the Holy Spirit

And then this little treat.

 And a final Thursday morning talk to encourage the girls to set themselves apart from the world by tapping into the fruits of the spirit. 

Camp, you blessed me big. You have my heart Stillwater! 

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