Monday, September 10, 2012

brody is four

When I was 9 I met a little girl at school who had downs syndrome. I wanted to be her friend and I didn't understand why she was different. I couldn't figure out why she had to be in a different class and why she had to eat lunch at another table.
When I was 12 I met three boys that were 7th graders just like me. They all had downs syndrome. I wanted to be their friend. I left my "cool" friends in the lunch room and sat with them once a week at their table. I did not understand why they were different. I just knew they were.
When I was 13 I read a book called The Man Who Loved Clowns.
I went home and told my mom..."I do not know why some kids have downs syndrome, but I hope God let's me have one."
At that point in my life (age 13) I did not have a relationship with Christ. I knew Him. I knew He made me. I knew He was good. I knew we got presents on His birthday...but that was really it.
Fast forward 10 years. During this time I accepted Christ to rule my life (post on this coming soon), I got married and I had a 2 year old. I sat down with Justin one day and said can we PLEASE have another baby. He said "um yeah...i guess." So we blinked (or something like that) and then we were pregnant. From the moment I was pregnant I thought something was different. I knew nothing was wrong...but I felt like something was just different. During my 6 month of pregnancy, I was drinking a glass of water in the middle of the night and I heard very clearly the Lord say to me "this baby is going to be very special" I had forgotten all about downs syndrome pretty much. I didnt go to school anymore so there was no life skills class to eat lunch with. I worked in an office and took care of my two year old. I forgot all about what the Lord had laid on my heart ten years before.
On September 11th 2008 Justin and I had the most perfect little angel baby boy named Brody. We just stared in amazement at him when he was born. He was so beautiful and so perfect. We felt undeserving of such a perfect baby. 12 hours later (and in the midst of hurricane can dig back on the beginning of the blog for that crazy story) we were about to evacuated to another hospital when a doctor came in and told us "your baby needs surgery, he has downs syndrome, he is on his way to another hospital. you can see him later... if you can get there on time" (seriously, its a LONG story) Our world had just been rocked. We had about 15 seconds to mourn the loss of our "perfect" child and then drag my post partum/had a baby 12 hours ago butt to another hospital. We were devastated. I cried out to God and said "please Lord let them be wrong. let them have our baby mixed up with someone elses!"
When we finally got to him...God hadnt mixed anything up. Brody was ours. He was in one of those little domes, so we could not touch him. He had an IV in his forehead, tubes in his nose and one down his throat. I felt like that saying "God doesnt give you anything that you cannot handle" was a crock of poo. I COULD NOT HANDLE THIS! Justin was speechless. We just sat there and cried.

I called my mom to tell her the news and she said "oh good honey, God answered your prayer."


I am pretty sure I hung up on her.

Then I prayed. Then I remembered that I did specifically ask the Lord for a baby like this over 10 years ago. I realized in one big rush of emotion and tears and heartache and flat out hurricane ike chaos, that God had given me what He had already promised me. I got my Brody...and I had ALWAYS wanted him.

I simply cannot write this without giant tears rolling down my face. If you know me personally, then you know how GREAT Brody is. You know his laugh is contagious. You know that when he bosses are pretty much going to do what he says. You know that when he is around...there is just no chance of a bad mood. You know that God gifted our family with him. It is just indeniable.

Dear Brody - Tomorrow is your 4th birthday. You have brought joy to our lives. You have brought laughter to so so many. You have taught us that patience is important and that a hug can fix ANY problem. You have shown us that determination can beat ALL odds. You love strangers. You love to eat. You love mickey mouse. You love school. You are one very special boy. You have taught us lots little buddy, but the MOST important thing we have learned from you is that God doesn't answer ALL prayers...but He sure does answer some. Thank goodness for that. We love you.

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