Friday, June 7, 2013

summer lovin

I just cannot believe summer is upon us again. I love summer so much. The freedom, the fun, the extra time with friends, the late nights...the junk food :) Such a memory making time. Especially when you live with a whole buncha rowdy boys. As I say every year...summer brings back lots of great memories of my mom. That gal loved her some summer. Flip flops and water and frosty beverages.
It is sometimes a hard balance to keep the "business" part of our lives from messing up the fun. And by business I mean the elephant in the room part...the sick part. It is hard to plan things, commit to things, look forward to things and even to deal with missing out on certain things. Keeping up with doctor appointments and treatment schedules can be a full time job. It is hard...but nothing is harder than watching your husbands face when he is pain. This recent surgery has rocked our world. The new treatment plan and the inevitable right hip replacement and the impending trip to Cleveland can be overwhelming...but to add the pain on top of that? I just cannot imagine. Justin's illness affects most of my life. BUT, I can go away from it. I can leave the house and spend time with my friends and even if its just for an hour or two...I can forget about it. I am limited in what I can do and where I can go and what I can plan...but I can still do things that I want to do. I can chase the boys, I can jump on a trampoline, I can go for a run, I can take them swimming, I can sit out in the sun, I can teach them to ride a bike, I can dance. These are things that Justin cannot do. He may be able to do things like this one day, but it would only be by the miraculous grace of God. It has been eye opening for me to see this reality. I know how limiting it feels to have the flu or to be pregnant or to have just had a baby...and that is hard enough. I cannot take his specific burden upon myself and that is frustrating. Jesus asks us to give Him our load. He wants to take it and trade us for his light and easy load. I get that scripture and I cling to it. But, in this situation I just wish I could be more literal...even just for a day.
The new treatment plan is a heavy load to carry. We will add IVIG back in, we will reduce steroids slowly to reduce the potential spread of AVN...and we will fervently pray for no flare ups with the other diseases, we will return to Cleveland as these doctors know him and need to be aware of the worst case scenario that became a reality for us, we will prepare for another surgery and we will do it with our heads held high. You better believe there are people out there who have it worse. There are people who are suffering without the community we have. Jesus has been so merciful with us. We mess up continuously and He won't stop wrapping His arms around us. I will never be able to comprehend His grace. It's too big for my little ol brain. I hope that whatever challenge you are facing right matter how big or small...that you will trade your burden for the Lord's. That will forever be easier said than done, so set a reminder each morning on your phone and see if that helps :)
We are gonna press the snooze button on that reminder many times I am sure of it, but we are gonna get through THIS...because our God said so. He showed us the ultimate sacrifice and He has taught us to perservere. So let's do it ya'll. Happy Summer.

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