new prayer pants

We sure are grateful for all of your prayers. Justin is doing really well post op. His surgeon does not have him starting PT for another week, because he really just wants him to rest and heal. This time around has just been much smoother and more manageable for all of us. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and Justin has his eyes on the prize. And that prize is WALKING.

I have been thinking a lot about prayer lately. I am so excited when our prayers are answered and I know that God hears us loud and clear. I know He hears each and every request made to Him. And, I know that sometimes our requests are not answered. Or maybe they are, but way later than we had hoped. I try to pray according to His will...but I am also not afraid to ask Him for a miracle and to change his mind. He made me GREAT at changing my mind all the time, so surely he possesses that gift  as well ;) Sometimes unanswered prayers bring upon discouragement that makes me want to just forget it. Sometimes just having enough faith to know that GOD knows what we need is tough stuff. The Lord was pleased with Solomon when he came to Him and asked for wisdom and discernment. I want to be radically dependent on Him. I want to change my prayer life dramatically...seeking less of what is going on in this house and more of what is going on in His house. I so easily get complacent in letting circumstances define me...even when I insist they do not. His kingdom is so much bigger than me and my house. I came across something David Platt wrote:

“God beckons storm clouds and they come. He tells the wind to blow and the rain to fall, and they obey immediately. He speaks to the mountains, 'You go there,' and He says to the seas, 'You stop here, and they do it. Everything in all creation responds in obedience to the Creator...until we get to you and me. We have the audacity to look God in the face and say, 'No.” 

And that is true. Not only do I have the nerve to tell him NO, sometimes I just flat out ignore Him and worse than that....I make a LOT of decisions without Him at all. It is so obvious to me when I make a decision WITH Him. The peace you feel in those decisions cannot be explained.

It is time to exchange my prayer pants. Mine are dingy and need new life. Good thing it's tax free weekend.

In other news, we have about 14 days of summer left. We are pretty much homebound so I can take care of the mister....AND I broke my stupid foot. It is just the little bone on the end, but it hurts and its a big ol pain in the booty. Justin and I plan on sword fighting with our crutches later. Bummer.
We are going to enjoy these last two weeks of summer no matter the circumstances. Currington Elementary is about to take my Bryce away and bum foot, bum hip, bum whatever else...we are gonna make the BEST! So, Amen to that, ya'll,

goodbye to today

Today was one of those days that I wished would have ended sooner. I know I have used the roller coaster analogy before, but I am just too tired to think of anything better right now. Today was a roller coaster. A big bad scary one. One that loops way more than necessary. One that you feel nauseous while you're on, and even more so when you're off. As we dealt with life today, my stomach was flipping and turning and knotting. But, unfortunately I wasn't anywhere where they serve funnel cake.

The day started with the doctors reporting that justin's "everything" was low. Low calcium, magnesium, blood sugar, potassium etc and most importantly...his blood count. To try and explain the way things are communicated here among doctors and nurses would be a joke. It's just impossible.
The verdict was to give him a blood transfusion and also calcium, magnesium and potassium through an IV. It is a scary things to watch someone else's blood drip into another person's body. Especially when the receiver has an uncooperative body. I know blood transfusions are common...but this is Justin we are talking about. Pain was at an all time high today and the frustration of not being able to help him myself was overwhelming. It was hard enough dealing with a doctor that hadn't taken the time to look at his chart and find out what he was diagnosed with, but we also found out she had changed some very important meds without checking with us. It is pretty surreal to have so much responsibility for Justin's care. Nobody in this building loves him and care for him as much as I do, and I am grateful to be his advocate, but I am not gonna lie ya'll...it is a lot of pressure.

I felt helpless many times today. I was on my knees pleading to Jesus. For relief, comfort, some understanding, some intervention! I needed Jesus to hear my cries for help. I know He did, and I am comforted in that, but still heartbroken at the same time. I know that God is walking with us down this dark and scary road. I know that for many reasons. I trust Him. I know His plan is good. I know He hears my pleas. I know He can heal Justin. But, today was a day where I didn't want anything but for the road to end. I just don't want this anymore. Today it is too much.

Justin couldn't handle visitors today, but before I had time to let anyone know that...comfort was sent and it was so good. So necessary and so good. God delights in my weakness because he can hold me closest at that time, but He knew what I needed to keep me from darkness. He always knows just what we need. He sent laughs and hugs and just bodies to sit in the waiting room...and food at just the right time. The texts and messages and prayers are so precious. Even when we can't respond and even when we think our phones are going to spark and catch fire from going off so much...we are reminded how He brought so many to carry this load alongside us. It is really incredible. We aren't THAT nice...so its clear that you were are all sent by Him ;)
And we have a 6 foot bugs bunny in here. So, you can't be too sad when that is looking at you.

We don't have information on his current labs yet. We probably won't hear how things are looking until morning. If his blood counts haven't gone up, then he will have to get more blood tomorrow.
I am done with today. I ran home for a little bit earlier to kiss my boys and to have a much needed cry in my own shower. Now I am where I am supposed to be...advocating for Justin and praying fervently for tomorrow to be so much better than today.

Thanks for keeping up, ya'll. Your prayers got us through this day. No doubt about that.

Goodbye today. I am done with you.

surgery update

Surgery was a success! Pain is present (as expected), but is being managed. Right after surgery was hard for him pain wise, but today is much better. PT came in around 9:30 and he made it from the bed to his chair with a walker...and he didn't barf! My man is so legit. He makes using a walker and wearing a dress so macho. For real.
Prayere requests include: pain management, AGAINST infection (this is the biggest prayer request as this is the biggest risk factor for him), rest, for the boys and everyone who has them, a more speedy healing at the incision site than last time, and for the transition from hospital to home. We will be here a few more days...not sure exactly how long.
The time before the surgery was tough. Anxiety + tension + worry = no bueno. We didn't take the time we did before to really draw nearer to the Lord in the days before surgery. And the absence of that peace was a bummer. Thankfully, Christ dwells in our hearts. He desires us to call out to Him...but He shows up even when we don't take the time to ask. Ephesians 3 reminds us that He gifted us with the ability to access Him at any time. Our faith gives us His strength...and with that we have all we need. Walking out of the double doors (from pre op) to the waiting room reminded me of the walk I used to make from the Cleveland Clinic hospital down the empty hallway to my hotel room. It is the most lonely place in all the world. VERY lonely. Letting the tears go or holding them back both bear a weight far too heavy. I hesitated before walking out of those double doors yesterday.  I wondered if I had just had my last conversation with my husband. I wondered if he would make it out this time. I irrationally considered that if I didn't walk through the doors, then I wouldn't have to worry. If I stayed safely on that side...then everything would be ok. Grief makes you think crazy stuff ya'll. And, I really felt safer on that side of the doors. I closed my eyes and prayed so hard that a nurse would not ask me if I needed help getting to the waiting room. I just needed to stand in that place for a minute. After many deep breaths I pulled up my bootstraps (not really, who would wear boots in July?!) and pushed open the doors. The feelings of fear  didnt go away, but as I took a moment to accept the reality...peace set in. I wasn't strong enough to ask God to help me. I couldnt come up with the words. I didn't know how to make a word come out without totally losing it. I couldn't even form a prayer. But, God filled that space where the fear was. He used a big bad gang of warriors to stand in the gap for me. I didn't have to ask. He knew. And they knew. Justin's fears were different than mine, but we both were covered. He delighted in our weakness, because He got the chance to be strong. Pray that we will both continue to give Him the glory for our strength. Pray that we will remember the pleasure God has in our weakness.

Thank you to each of you who have texted, messaged, called, emailed, sent goodies, signed up to bring us food, prayed, mowed our yard, loved on our boys. Thank you to all of the people who made walking through those double doors easier. You all bless us more than you know.

Forgive us for being lame communicators right now!

And now, look at all this awesomeness below. Fall is going to be BUSY time with school and sports and LOTS of places to share your gifts. Here are a few of my VERY favorite things:
Get involved, ya'll.

Young Life Clay Shoot - August 18th (chady@qualityguttersystems.com)

Richey Family Adoption BBQ - September 7th

Run at the Ranch - September 28th

Clays for Cara - October 5th

Young Life Banquet - October 6th (sncdavis@gmail.com)

Stillwater Sports Camp Scramble - October 17th

Save the date for Taking it to the Streets Rodeo event November 9th