So, I have had a lot of time to pray in the past 172 hours. Actually, praying is all I really can do well right now. 172 hours ago I kissed the love of my life for the very last time. After that kiss, he let go of his life here on earth and jumped straight into the arms of Jesus. No doubt he made a GRAND entrance. If I sit very still...I can hear the rejoicing and see his body whole, healed and perfect.
But, if I sit still and quiet for too long...that beautiful noise leaves me and I am left with only the the sound of my tears hitting my blankets and sobs so deep I can barely recognize that they are coming from me.
Through some of my prayer time I have felt affirmation in doing this. And by that I mean...writing through this experience. Processing some (not all, because that may be scary) of my grief and navigation through this awful time. I feel 100% sure that some of it will make sense, some of it won't, lots of it will be sad, all of it will honor my husband and every bit of it will be healing.
There are 4 people that live in the Mac Shack now....and we are all dealing with the loss of Justin very differently.
If you are new to this journey then I encourage you to read these few posts that will really give you a broad recap of this 4 year story. Read a couple of posts from late May/early June of 2011. Opportunity from November 2012, Surrender from March 2013, Dancing with Justin and Needing God more than Ever from Jan 2014 and my latest post which is copied below. (Uh, sorry I am not smart enough to tag the links to those....I am doing my best to just sit up straight in my bed right now.)
I am not a professional writer and I never intend to be. I don't proofread my posts. No time for that...I never have and I am not going to start now that I have a larger following...so if typos upset you then this is not the place for you. But, if truth is your thing...then welcome.
You can also surely jump in without catching up on the previous posts.
Justin did not initially love my blog, but it grew on him and it became something he was very proud of. I have intentions of updating it, making it less amateur looking...but I can't remember if I have washed my hair since the day of the funeral so I should slow my roll on those ambitions.
You can visit Justin's obit here: http://www.ebensberger-fisher.com/Obituary-Of-Justin-Allen-McElhannon/1587
There are millions of ways to love on us from now until who knows when. I can't wait to share how we have experienced community like nobodies biz. Right now, there is a close knit group handling everything. Literally. Everything. If you feel called to love on the boys financially there has been an account set up at Jefferson Bank in Boerne or you can make a contribution here: http://www.gofundme.com/r83njc
I don't know what the coming posts will look like, but I do know God will honor my obedience in this journey and He will continue to show his face through my time in writing...He has never failed to reveal great things to me through this silly blog.
I wrote this following post with Justins prompting 5 days before his death.