Wednesday, April 15, 2009

dont push me please

This past week has been filled with the most difficult challenges and heartbreaking news. First of I would like to express my sadness for all the terrible losses. My family has been praying so hard for our precious family member with Downs that was having such terrible problems with her lungs. We were so saddened to hear that there was nothing more the doctors could do and sweet Victoria will be making her way to live with her creator. As a parent, I cannot imagine their pain, and I will continue to pray for their strength through this difficult time. Another sweet friend from high school was also taken too soon and my heart breaks for his family as well. Death is so difficult and we all grieve in such different ways, but one thing is for sure...we have to cherish each thing we have been blessed with every moment of the day. We have also been praying for Ann Marie and her precious family. We pray each night that she will just STAY pregnant! We also pray hard for the other very private losses of dear friends. We pray for these beautiful people and we struggle each day knowing how horrible it is when such terrible things happen to such wonderful people. It is not fair and it is hard to imagine that things could possibly get worse. This past 8 months has been one challenge after another and at some point enough just has to be enough. I need my mom so badly during these times and I just thank her each day for all the lessons she left behind with me.
Our week was filled with so much anguish and pain with the battle of an egotistical doctor who was improperly medicating my son. The feeling that I had in the very bottom of my heart was that something was NOT right with Brody and something needed to change. Our pulmonologist fought me so terribly, called me an unfit mother who was medically neglecting my child, hurt me in ways that a mother could never imagine, refused to reevalute Brody's medical condition, alleged that the "loss of my mother was causing me to make irrational decisions for my son", told me I had no right to a second opinion and brought my entire family to our knees. Praise God that I stayed strong with my instincts (no matter WHAT the consequences) and took Brody against medical advice OUT OF HIS CARE! Praise our beautiful Lord that I listened to His words and NOT the words of an emotional doctor. Brody is now OFF all medications that were previously prescribed and under the care of a new and fabulous doctor. We have pin pointed exactly what was causing low oxygen sats, his previous pneumonia and his breathing issues!! I am so proud to say that eventhough I was challenged in the most extreme ways...I followed through with what I KNEW was right and got to the bottom of Brody's health situation. My heart breaks for other parents who do not have the courage to stand up in situations like these....what that doctor was doing could have been fatal for my child. Brody was aspirating and could have seriously damaged his lungs.
I am still struggling with the fact that I am not as depressed as everyone wants me to be. I am a strong person and we all deal with things in different ways. I still have an extreme amount of anger towards the people who hurt my mom in the end and that is something that I am not sure will go away. I tried to befriend her and forgive her and let it all go...but I just cannot. She has continued to lie and hurt others and I just will not have her in my life ever again. I know that my mom was heart broken and I know my mom did not forgive her...and I just cannot either.

In other news...we had a fab Easter weekend. The kiddos hunted eggs, well actually the kids walked around eating candy out of the eggs and then threw the eggs back into the dirt. We relaxed and visited with amazing friends and I even got to spend two days in a row with the hubster! Justin took Bryce hunting and Bryce killed a pig with "his powers" aka Justin's gun. Brody is continuing to get up on all fours and scoot around like a mad man! I have been given full creative rights for his photo shoot in May so pass on any cute ideas you have.
Keep all these sweet people in your prayers...and please continue to pray for us!