Sunday, December 18, 2011

my mom loved christmas VERY much. she loved to shop, decorate and wear sweatshirts that lit up. she liked to sew sequins on little santa pillows and make a big pot of stew on christmas eve. she liked to buy you everything on your list PLUS a few VERY silly things. her love language was gifting for sure. she was one of those precious people that LOVED a new fun product. for example...she had a quesadilla maker, popcorn popper, pizza cooker, big fry daddy, little fry daddy, sandwich cooker, george foreman grill, cotton candy maker, extendable ceiling duster etc. You get the idea. I am not sure she used this stuff ever once. BUT she sure wasnt going to pass them up in the store. She bought us all ped eggs one year and those weird hair wrap things. We got an automatic toilet bowl cleaner once and a dish sponge that vibrated. We had space bags and lipo slim oh and one of those gloves that you can stick your hand in a fire with it on. That is actually a lie. Ours caught on fire. Anyways, her gifts were precious. She got us useful things that we wanted or needed and then she got us fun things that she didnt have room in her kitchen for.

She decorated our house top to bottom. Switched out the dishes and redecorated the half bath. She had "winter sheets" and thousands of little knick knacks. Her tree alternated each year with a theme. One year was a family tree (all the handmade and random stuff) and the next year had her theme of choice. We had a cow tree once, a bandana tree, a jalapeno tree and well you get the idea. Tacky was her thing and she totally rocked it. I miss her absolute love for Christmas lights. I love that I was able to take some of her traditions and add them to our little traditions. Growing up we always had a party with lots and lots of friends and family on Christmas Eve...we opened all the presents that were NOT from Santa (and yes he came until I was 25) and then we ate comfort food, drank cheery drinks and then turned the music up and let the boys play poker. At our house we will go to church and then come home to open a gift, eat some comfort food and then play some Christmas Karaoke with the boys.
We eat a big yummy breakfast (different every year) open presents and then after lunch we have a little birthday party for Jesus. I am excited that I have so many AMAZING Christmas memories with her. She really got the party started. She called the shots and we just showed up when and where she said wearing what she said to wear. We always had to change into matching jammies once we got to her house and you better believe we have some rocking jammies to wear at the Mac Shack Saturday night.
As the boys grow, I know we are going to tack on new traditions each year. I am so glad my mom made Christmas such a big production. She gave me big shoes to fill and she gave me the desire to keep it magical and personal for each member of the family. I am even MORE excited that through her sweet traditions WE have the chance to share the gospel within our home. We can worship and pray freely and celebrate the mighty kings most special day.
I miss her lots and lots. She was a smiling champion and laughed so often...mostly at her own jokes. She was sarcastic and blunt and you NEVER wondered what she was thinking. She was strong, but delicate. She was tough, but sensitive. She was passionate and very silly.
I need her right now. I need her to boss me around a little and give me advice that I probably wouldnt take. I need her to call me 30 times a day and play with my boys. I need her to know Brody and Braxton. I need to her make me beef stew at the end of a long day. I miss my mom lots and lots and lots. I mostly just miss her companionship. She was just always good at hanging out and being a friend. I feel like the Lord has filled that empty place where she stood and placed people in that empty space the He knew would REALLY fill me up. I am grateful for where I am and I am thankful that through the experience of having to lose my very many doors were opened. I have been able to truly see how strong I can be and who exactly I can lean on. During the time of her death which was coincidentally the same time that Brody was hospitalized often...I was a flat out mess. I didnt know who I was. Thats because I wasnt waiting for the Lord to show me. I was trying to figure it out on my own. No wonder I was a coo coo bird. When I finally woke up and realized that I needed to get in the passenger seat...everything fell right into place. I still miss my mom just the same...but the peace I have about it is unexplainable. I have thousands of fun and silly and hilarious and heartwarming memories with that crazy lady. And now I have a lifetime of fun and silly and all the other good stuff to fill up for my precious little boys. Feeling sad tonight but thankful. Overwhelmed...but strangely peaceful.
Thanks for keeping up.

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