Thursday, May 3, 2012

one year

what is it called when a non-writer gets writers block?
i just have had lots of things that i have wanted to share and either no time to share or i just could not find a way to start. sometimes i write a whole post and then delete it because its too sappy. its been a tricky few weeks and i couldnt really wrap my mind around it...until i looked long and hard at the calendar. then, i went back and read through my blog from a long time ago. (speaking of this...has anyone printed their blog? if so, tell me about it because the last 4 years of my life are all in this one spot) anyways...i went back and read where i started. it was right after we had moved and brody was born and our life was turned sideways for the next seven months. we didnt know what had hit us. we found the blessing in this big surprise and havent turned back. then my sweet mama passed away. we found the silver lining in that and marched forward. then our little stinker braxton showed up and we put a little cherry right on top of our family of four. then i blabbed on for a year about fun things and sweet pictures and good times etc. we had been dealt some tricky cards, but it was all good. the lord had us wrapped up tightly. we were resting in Him and things were looking up.
then tuesday may 17th i posted. it was the last time my life would look the way it did. it was the last time my blog was so carefree. it was the last time i knew life as i knew it. i posted about bryce graduating preschool. our sweet boy is about to graduate kinder! i blogged about my most dear friend's race. The 2nd Annual One Less race is next weekend (go register NOW i wrote about the yucatan mission trip that our family and friends helped us raise money for. this was an experience that we desperately wanted to take part in and it is now something that we may never be able to do. it was tball season and preschool retreat had just happened. tball is back in full swing and i just returned home monday from our annual preschool retreat. it was just as fun as last year and i am refreshed and full of His word. our friends cade and amanda had come to visit us and it just so happens that two weeks ago i stood up next to them on their wedding day. life was really really ooey gooey good.
then i read the next post. only 10 days later. our lives were officially turned upside down. i started out by saying we are humbled, sad, scared, vulnerable and angry....but we are also prepared. we are still humbled, sad, scared, vulnerable and angry. and we are also still prepared. the lord had already gotten us ready for this great battle. each day we wake up and he prepares our armor for us yet again. day after day.
the diseases have since doubled. the symptoms have tripled. the medications have quadrupled. there is just a lot going on. we start a new chapter each morning as we figure out exactly how we are going to cope/deal/manage. sometimes justins illness is the last thing on our brains, but sometimes its the only thing on our brains. justin continues to refuse to allow sickness to define him. he has been and will always be my hero. there are still no cures and no answers. the pain for him is often unbearable, but he bears it well. he just will not go down without a fight. he will put on His armor and kick and scream his way through this. a whole bunch can happen in a year folks. a whole whole bunch.

Romans 8:35-39 No trouble or hardship can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus 

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