Wednesday, March 25, 2009

feels like a monday

I am still feeling so lost. I am still reaching for the phone to call my mom and I am still unsure how to channel my emotions. I pray hard many times a day for peace with the situation, but all the unrelenting distractions keep my head spinning in circles. I am so blessed that my mom was able to be my best friend for 24 years and I am certainly proud that she held my hand while Bryce was born, hugged me tight before I walked down the aisle and gave me her shoulder during the event of Brody's birth and hospital stays. Yet, I am still disappointed that I did not get her for longer. I am so desperately jealous of the people who had her in their lives for so much longer and I am so insanely hurt by the people who did not cherish every piece of her during that time. I am working on forgiving the people who hurt me so badly and left so much in my hands during the time of her death, but my heart can only handle so much.
What does help me continue to be positive when I have cloudy days like these is my little munchkins. Brody had his 6 month check up yesterday. He is 16lbs 5 oz now and the dr. said he looks incredible! Poor guy had to get 6 shots though :( Mandy, our OT just left and Brody was just a tad lazy today while working with her. He still did great and is really showing improvements in areas of muscle strength and tone (including sitting up!). We will follow up with the cardiologist soon to check on the ASD and watch his bicuspid aortic valve. Please pray fiercely that the ASD has closed completely. Bryce is his regular chaotic and charming self today. We enjoyed a great trip to the wildlife ranch over the weekend and he had the absolute time of his life. His first soccer game is this weekend, as well as yet another birthday celebration. He has learned to write his name and has now begun to write it EVERYWHERE. He continues to quiz us all on our spanish colors and of course (as always) test my ever lasting thin thread of patience. I have tons of pics to upload...but I dont feel like doing it right now :)