Wednesday, August 17, 2011

learning to deal

The day has arrived where this rock is starting to shiver. This past week has been one of the most emotional for me. I am facing some major struggles with doctor facts vs. biblical facts. Justin has been extremely optimistic. His strength and stamina is wearing me out! I remain very confident that our God will heal Justin. But I have been facing some scary truths....God promises us eternal life and healing...but he does NOT promise us tomorrow on earth. I have written this blog post several times...deleted it and then come back to it. There are some harsh realities to face...but I still go to bed each night with the comfort that no matter what any doctor says...He will never leave my side. I cannot always pretend like things are sunshine and roses...and God doesnt expect that from me. What a relief that is. It is comforting to know that He loves me just the same when I am raw and angry as when I "have it all together." Our lives are forever changed. I will continue to wake up each day and make the decision to live for Him...glorify Him...honor Him. BUT I am freed in knowing that when it takes me a little longer to get to that place of "light"...well...He forgives me. He understands. There will be days of suffering and heart ache and pain (for me emotionally and Justin physically). There will be days that feel "normal" and days that we are lost. All of that is OK. God never said he was going to tie us all up with a little bow and grant us the perfect and most painless life. We are blessed to the rim...overflowing actually! Just not necessarily in the form of Justins health. And that is getting easier to accept each day.

The Lord WILL heal Justin. While he is here on earth would sure be more convenient for me :) But that may just not be His plan...and who the heck am I to disagree with His plan? I am sad and a little weary...but also very thankful. Things sure could be worse.
By His stripes we are healed. And we are. Jesus didn't die to heal us...he died to set us free from the domination of sin. Salvation is good enough for me!!
More health updates later...nothing has really changed. But my heart is changing...and I think its good. I am definitely struggling...but it is opening my eyes to truths that are more freeing than I could ever explain.
I appreciate each of your prayers during this transitional time!!

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