the new normal at our house is very different than what it was 3 months ago. i have recognized that i may be a tad (ok....a BIG tad) controlling. oops. i just like things a certain way...is that so bad? well it is so bad when you dont know where you are going to be from day to day or who is going to be there or who will be taking care of your kids and so on. i am having to get over some stuff. i know that may sound ridiculous...but its kind of a big deal for me right now. everything has changed. justins whole life has changed...the way he is able to work, parent and live in this world. he does all of those AMAZINGLY well...just very differently than before. our finances have changed...our outlook on life has changed...our goals and dreams have changed. the way people talk to us has changed. the way we plan for things has changed...it all depends on how justin will be feeling or if we may have a doctors appointment or what if he happens to be back in the hospital??
lots of change.
change is good though...right?!
well... we dont have much of a choice on that right now. i guess we DO have a choice. we could choose to be angry about all of these things and annoyed (which happens every once in awhile because we are REAL people) and we could chose to blame or pout...but that is really not helpful. that is not how the Lord asks us to reply to trials. so when i get caught up moaning in groaning about how things are all different in the house...i need to remember that when God planned out our life...he wasnt thinking about how our laundry got folded...he was thinking about our hearts. our God is so so so much bigger than these silly worldly things. why cant i always remember that?! my dependence on His strength and understanding of His plan gets stronger everyday...but it doesnt mean that i dont struggle. i dont just wake up and feel fabulous and thrilled with our current situation. i have to pray about it EVERY morning. i have to put on a smile and KNOW that God will give me peace to make everyday a good day.
today justin woke up very sick. 102 temp...a migraine so bad that he cannot open his eyes...yucky pain all over...shortness of breath and difficulty taking in deep breaths. an over all YUCK day. he is headed to see dr. f today at 3. we are so grateful for dr. f and his concern for justin...he called us right back this morning and said he wanted to squeeze him in today FOR SURE.
that is just part of our new normal. calling the dr all the time...waiting for drs all the time...cringing when we go to bed at night because we are not sure what tomorrow will bring. its scary and frustrating.
it is going to take more than a day or week or month for us to get used to it all. BUT...we will get used to it all.
I do my best EVERY day to WORRY ABOUT NOTHING...AND PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING.
please continue to pray for our appointments when we go back to cleveland on july 27-29th.
please continue to pray each and every day for us to continue to TRUST. pray for more good days...and for peace on the not so good days.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do and he will show you which path to take.
