Do you remember your first big roller coaster ride when you were little? Not the dinky one that just kinda goes in a fun little up and down pattern. The BIG one...with the loops and drops and tummy flipping scary fun. How you waited anxiously in line...probably with your maybe a little older/cooler friend that had already ridden this one a gazillion times?
We are on a ride right now for sure. We held hands as we took off for Cleveland...looking at each other (maybe a little excited...but mostly terrified to the core) like is this for real? Are we doing this? Then as each up and down and loop and drop has happened over the 4 days...we have clung to each other...not wanting to look scared...not wanting to act like we are not cool enough to endure this. When the ride was over when you were younger...you were so relieved. It was so fun/awful! Your stomach is still in knots and upside down/inside out....but you DID IT! And your older cooler friend is proud of you.
Right now...God is our older cooler friend. He wants us on this ride. He wants us to see the world from the tippy top of the highest ride in the whole park. He wants us to hold his hand so tightly when we come crashing down from the BIG drop. He wants us to call out his name when we go for the loop. He wants us to know that he is holding on to us so tightly...through every second of this. We HAVE to trust Him and know that his almighty plan is so great. We won't know what all is in store until it is over. But it will end. Someday. We will look back and be thankful that he chose this path for us. We will look back and high five each other on conquering the CRAZY ride we were just brought to. We cant lie and say that it would be way more neat to be standing in line with a cotton candy for the merry go round. We are apprehensive and scared...but still trusting that its gonna be GOOD!
I am so grateful to go on this ride with my sweet Justin. God created women to stand close beside their husbands and lift them up at all times. I have had the opportunity to stand behind him and watch him lead me. Justin is my ultimate hero...I will never tire of praising him. God created him so perfectly. Cute and funny is a major bonus too. Thanks God...You have so always got my back :)
Today was just more tests. More blood work this morning. No test results back on anything yet...from yesterday or today. They were able to rule out cancer in the stomach (and south of that!). There is some liver concern still. They have called in what they refer to as the "liver consultation team"...they did an hour and forty five minute ultrasound on that this afternoon. They came in after lunch and told him he couldnt eat anymore today (SHOOT!!!)...that always makes me scared. BUT just three (long) hours later they came in and got him for the testing. When he got down there they told him "oh, ha! you totally could have eaten." Great.
Please be in prayer for those results.
Justins phone screen shattered today...along with a little piece of his heart ;)
So...that was a bummer.
Speaking of phones...I know some of you are already reading Jesus Calling and I know several of you have just purchased it. So some neato news I just found out today is that there is an iphone app for the book! There is ALSO a childrens version! Joanie and Jerry got this for Bryce when he was Baptized. SO...you can do the same devotional as your kids!! It is so amazing. Did anyone read June 30th? That was the day we got here. God is good.
Please pray for Justin's heart. He is dealing with some frustrations that are just so hard. I want to fix it...but I just can't. He is such a trooper emotionally. We have had time to sit back and look at the perfect little family we have. God pieced the 5 of us together and we thank Him and praise Him for showing us His love through our children and our marriage.
I am hanging in there. Sadder than ever still. Emotionally pretty yuck...but I am still finding time to stay in the word...which is of course the best medicine around. I went down to the gym today again and did some good cardio. I took a nap and had a good cry as I thought about how badly I want to hug and kiss my kids. I never thought I would ever have to be away from this like this. We are working out a plan on how I will see them. Justin does not want them in the hospital room..it is yucky and our neighbor is sick and yucky. I may get to run home and see them for a day or two and then come right back. We are working out the details, but will not make any decisions until Tuesday morning when we start getting more answers and figure out when he will do his chemo and biopsy. I am trusting Gods timing on the perfect way that it will fall into place. I am just such a planner and this is so hard for me.
That is all for now. We hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th of July.
